Description

Every once in a great while, to break up the seriousness of things that our articles cover, we go way out for some humor. This piece was posted on social media and it's source is unknown... but hilarious!

???? Tips to help you prepare for getting a Giant Schnauzer 

1) Lift a 90 lb bag of wet sand up and down the stairs.  Do it twice for good measure.

2) Lift the back end of a horse up into your car and onto your bed several times a day.

3) Smear hair gel all over your walls and throw it on the ceiling and TV.  While you're at it, smear the lower half of all windows, curtains and glass.

4) Rub fur into the floorboards of your car, seats and all.  You should probably stomp on it just after to really get it in there and make sure it can never come out.

5) At least twice daily, drop that 90 lb bag of wet sand on your bare foot.

6) Shake balls of fur, mulch, and a bucket of dirt all over your house daily - add water for rainy days.

7) Write "Schnauzer" 100 times daily in preparation of correcting others because GS owners are better than everyone else and you can't properly love a Giant Schnauzer if you can't even spell it.

8 ) Volunteer at the zoo to help wash the large animals and clean up their poop.

9) Invite your friends over and have them all try to get in the bathroom when you have to go. Make sure to tell them to be forceful and not to give in.  Bonus points if your friends cry while trying to get in.  Oh hell, while you're at it, just take a shower, but tell your friends it's okay if they pull the curtain back to see what you're doing.

10) Take your significant other out in public a lot and make sure to appear happy.  People need to see that you're happy and that he/she does not beat you.  Bonus points if you summon the Bell Witch and she leaves scratches all over you.

11) Take a nice long piece of rubber hose and go around your house swinging it as excitedly as you can, making sure to hit Every. Damn. Thing. You. Own.   Grandma's heirloom vase? Doesn't matter, nothing is off limits.  Don't forget to smack yourself on the legs a few times too.

12) Volunteer at the local high school cafeteria so you can get used to the drama that is indeed coming.

13) Ditch all physical greetings you've come to use and tell people to replace the hugs or handshakes with noses in places they really shouldn’t be.  If you wear eyeglasses, make sure they are knocked off your face, too.

14) Practice sitting and lying on hard surfaces as the couch is gone now.

15) Buy some straps and have someone strap you in place when it's bedtime, so you don't disrupt the royalty whose bed it now is.  Make sure to only take about 6” on one side because your highness is sure to sleep sideways. If your bed is anything smaller than a queen-size, well it's a good thing you've built up a tolerance to hard surfaces.

16) Stand in front of the mirror and practice telling your boss you're late because your dog wouldn’t come back in.

17) Keep a blanket, a beanie, a scarf, and gloves within reach in your car for months December through February - doesn't matter if it's -12° outside, the window must be down.

18) Remember that one time you had a stalker?  Tell them you're sorry for calling the cops and ask them if they would like to follow you around again.

19) When your paycheck hits your account, withdraw all of it and throw it in the trash.

20) Start babysitting dinosaurs in your free time.

(stolen from somewhere, but I don't remember where)

Comments
Order by: 
Per page:
 
  • There are no comments yet
Related Articles
Rebecca Letson from Giant Schnauzer Preservation Breeders on Facebook says: I do believe some Giant Schnauzers can become dogs that support humans in emotional ways or find themselves in a position to offer mobile stability but the majority of GS are not a good choice for most service dog jobs.
06.20.2023 · From SchnauzerAdmin
The question was posed by an owner of a Scottie (Scottish Terrier) wondering if a Giant Schnauzer is the same type of dog. This response is hilarious, but spot-on accurate.
05.04.2023 · From SchnauzerAdmin
Rate
1 votes
Info
02.01.2022 (02.01.2022)
330 Views
0 Subscribers
All Articles by SchnauzerAdmin
Recommend